Who says I can't become a real photographer?

I spent the past hour or so reading the blog of a woman who started up her own photography business. It is amazing. I love her photographs. And this is totally what I aspire to be.

I've decided though that I really need to take some sort of photography classes. As much as I know about lighting and cameras, I might as well know nothing. I know people tell me all the time that I have a lot of talent, but honestly some of my best pictures are flukes. I just happened to be standing in just the right spot, with just the right lighting, at just the right time. I'm not saying I don't think I have talent, but I'm not really quite the type of person to go around tooting my own horn all the time. I do think that a lot of my pictures are amazing, but some of that is in the eye of the beholder. What I think is amazing might possibly by mediocre to a professional or art critic. I just think that taking a class would enhance my photography and I would actually learn a lot more about the mechanics of photography. When and how to use certain lenses or flashes. Being able to adjust the aperture and shutter speed myself and actually knowing what I'm doing.

I've always been leery about taking classes though. I took a photography class in high school and all I remember is having to take pictures of what they told me to take pictures of. As fun as it was, I like taking pictures of what I like taking pictures of. We had to take pictures of restaurant signs once. Now if I were going into marketing, that might be fun. But other than that, it's not fun to me to go around taking pictures of restaurant signs. Maybe that doesn't make me a true photographer though. I'm sure most people would say that a true photographer could see a block of wood and turn it into art. But then again, I could totally do that. I'm all about weird angles in my photos, so maybe I am a true photographer. Seeing as how I've matured a lot since high school, in more ways than one, I could probably go out right now and rock the restaurant sign photo shoot.

I'm not worried about what anyone says about my pictures though. I take pictures for me. It's what I love to do. Unfortunately for my family, it's something I've loved since I was in middle school. I've had family members mumble and grumble about "me and my camera", but that's just something they'll have to live with it. It's what I do. And it's what I'll always do.

Maybe I should call them "Wannabe Blueberries"

Surprisingly enough this thing is a weed. (we think) I'm not sure a lot of people read this, but if there are any nature buffs that happen to, please let me know if you think you know what this is! This huge weed/plant thing is growing in the flower bed behind my parent's house. It started off as just a tall leafy stalk. Then, it sprouted these tiny white flowers, which turned into these berry looking things. My mom hates it cause she says it's a weed. My dad loves it because he thinks it's cool and says that every flower started off as a weed. I like it just cause it makes for some interesting pictures. The colors are awesome.

The remnants of rain

I will be a loser this holiday season!

Reason #1 (and only) I want a dog: The walks.

Three and a half years ago I got a bug up my butt to stop eating sweets, start "exercising", and lose weight. It started off slow. It wasn't quite a New Year's Resolution, but starting in January of '08 I cut off sweets. Cold turkey. I ate no candy, no cookies, no ice cream. Nothing. If there was a possibility that the food had sugar in, I didn't eat it. I cut myself off of coke, juice, tea, and any other sugary beverages. Surprisingly enough, just doing that alone, I started to see results. Well, people around me did. I usually blew them off like they were crazy. I didn't feel any thinner, but apparently it was evident to my friends and family around me that I was losing some weight.

So, once it started to warm up, I decided to speed up the weight loss process and started walking. Religiously. I got home from work, changed my clothes, and headed off for my walk. My walks usually lasted and hour and a half to two hours. I walked rain or shine roughly four days out of the week. I started off walking to the park that's about a mile down the road from my parent's house and I would walk around the track they had at the park. That bored me. It was a struggle to walk around the track for an hour or more at a time. So, instead of walking to the park, one day I started walking and kept on going past the park. I pretty just mapped myself out a big circle around the South side of Lafayette. Round trip it was around a five and a half mile walk. It was a pretty good exercise routine and it worked for me.

Eventually it started getting colder and I stopped walking. I kept up on the no sweets though, and I still watched my portions and kept up on not eating as much as I did before I started trying to lose weight. So even though i only exercised a few months out of the year, by the end of it, I had lost a good deal of weight. I wasn't a die hard who weighed in every week or anything, so I don't really know what I started and ended at. I lost roughly 40-50 lbs though. I felt really good about myself.

But then in April of '09 I ruined it all. I ate a small piece of cake on my 25th birthday. From then on it all went down hill. Basically, I stopped watching what I ate, I stopped exercising, and I started eating sweets again. I haven't gained all my weight back in the past two and a half years, but I've gained back enough to be really disappointed in myself. I can see the gain in my body and the way my clothes fit. The most depressing moment was this past winter when I had to buy myself size 18 jeans because my other jeans were too tight. When I started my weight loss quest I was pushing a size 22. I was in a size 20, but some were getting tight. At the end of my weight loss, I was pushing a size 14. Depending on where I found the jeans, I could wear a 14, but really a 16 was the most comfortable. If I had kept on going and lost another 10 lbs or so, I would have been comfortable in a size 14. But even though I'm not in a size 22 anymore, anyone with weight problems can understand my disappointment in having to go out and buy a size 18 after being so close to a 14.

So, where does the whole dog thing come into play, you're wondering? Well, I've lost all motivation to walk without a purpose. Before when I was walking to get in my exercise, it took nothing for me to get out there and walk for hours. Now, I spend more time putting off the walking than actually getting out there and doing it. So, maybe if I got a dog and had to get out there and let him exercise, I'd do better getting myself back into shape. That may not be the case, but at any rate, I need to get my butt back in gear and take off the pounds that I've put back on in the past couple of years plus some!

Before - December 2007

Mid-Way - July 2008

After - December 2008

After + - July 2009

As computer literate as I am, I'm very computer illiterate. Ideally all of those pictures would be lined up and the same size. I'm actually kind of anal about stuff like that, but I don't know how to go about adding multiple pictures to this thing and actually having them go where I want them to go. Oh well, you get the point. You can see the slight transformation I went through in a year and a half in the pictures above. And granted, I'm nowhere near where I was when I started, but you can also see in the picture below that I'm also nowhere near where I was before I fell off the wagon.

Now - July 2011
I know that's not now as in September, but it's as close as it gets
 because I totally slacked on pictures in August!!

Lily the Fearless Wonder!

Quickie Post to upload a video from today. We went to the "shopping store" with my mom, sister, and 2 yr old niece. She saw two boys doing this as we were leaving and really, really wanted to jump! So we scrounged up the six dollars it cost and away she went. She had a blast!! I'm awful though. I had to take this video with my phone because I forgot my camera at my parent's house. (which is reason number one I'll probably always be a wannabe photographer!!) And my camera has better video taking capabilities. Not to mention we could have gotten much better pictures!! 

Whose idea was it for this surgery again??

It's amazing the mundane things you take for granted while going through your day to day routine. You know. Things like being able to plop down on the couch with no regard to watch TV? Or how about just getting up off the couch after watching TV? Or Sleeping the way that makes you comfortable after falling into bed? Or most importantly, stepping into a bathtub to shower?

I will no longer take those things and more for granted. I'm so ready for the day when I no longer have to slowly lower myself to sit on the couch, after which I have to shift and maneuver ever so gently just to get in a comfortable sitting position. And then, without fail, I'll have to shift again in a matter of minutes because the position that was comfortable for me two minutes ago is now making my back ache. And then ultimately I will have to get up off the couch, which I can't do with much ease right now either without feeling like I'm going to pop my incision wide open and have to be rushed to the doctor's to have it re-closed, which will just restart the vicious healing cycle. I'm equally ready to literally be able to fall into bed, not crawl slowly and lay down gently, after which I will not be able to find a comfortable position to sleep in no matter how hard I try. Which results in a crappy night's sleep for me most nights. And don't even get me started on the showers....

I knew that having surgery wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but honestly I didn't think it'd be like this. I guess I didn't really know what to think about it actually. But all this uncomfortableness wasn't in the pictures. I know I'm complaining a lot, but to be honest the whole post-op really hasn't been as bad as I thought. Initially all I could think about after the surgery was intense, debilitating pain, and that hasn't been the case at all. Granted for the first seventy-two hours after surgery I was on a strict pain pill regimen, so I'm sure if I hadn't stuck with that, the pain probably would have been pretty bad. But really the most "pain" I've had are the stupid steri-strips they have superglued to the incision to keep it closed while it tries to mend itself up. I'm exaggerating a little when I say superglued, but even the nurse at the hospital said the adhesive they use on those is really strong. I can't do anything about them either. I've been strictly told not to try to pull them off myself and to basically just let nature take its course and have them fall off themselves. Well, a week later and these suckers barely show any signs of leaving my back anytime soon.

My goal to start off my second week of recovery is to get out of the house. Which is going to be limiting because, even though I'm allowed to drive myself now that it's been a week and I've stopped taking the pain pills, it's still uncomfortable being a passenger in the car, so I'm sure driving is going to suck even more. But I also have a goal of going to the doctor, stepping on the scale, and seeing myself ten pounds lighter, so I'll need to get out of the house to help achieve that. Jen seems to think that's a lofty goal, but I don't think ten pounds in three weeks is completely off the radar?? And it's not my fault that I didn't have four weeks to accomplish my goal. Last week I could barely walk around the house without wanting to sit back down after five minutes, let alone walking around the block, which probably wouldn't have been advisable anyway.

I'm just hoping that getting out and getting some exercise, even if it is just walking around the block for a little bit, will help my mood, too. I don't know if it's the surgery or the fact that Mother Nature decided to stop by with a "get well" present three days after my surgery, but I've been an emotional basket case. I'm surprised Jen can still stand to be around me. I've been crying at the drop of a hat for little to no reason all week. I don't know if it's hormones, being sick of being stuck in the house by myself all day, or just some sort of weird post-surgery depression that they didn't tell me I could get. I'll admit I've been feeling pretty helpless the past week. I get scolded for trying to help with the laundry. I get lectured again after trying to help load and/or unload the dishwasher. I can't take a shower without assistance, which is partially because I'm still scared to death to take a shower. And I just feel like I can't do anything or I'm going to totally screw up my back and all of this surgery and everything will have been for nothing....

But... that's enough pity party. This is supposed to be my photo blog. So where are the photos?? I'm hoping to get new pictures everyday now that I'm going to try to be out and about more in the coming weeks. Yesterday though I didn't have any photographic opportunities arise, so I had to pull a picture out of the archives.

Annual Family Picture circa 2009

Every year since roughly 2007 we have been dragging my whole family outside my parent's house to get a new family picture to send out as Christmas cards. In the previous years we'd snag a snapshot somewhere we all happened to be and use it for Christmas cards.  In 2007 though we girls told the guys they were to wear nice shirts and forced them to stand outside and smile pretty while we posed for a nice family picture. The picture shown is the first year we decided it would be fun to really go for coordination as far as outfits went, and we thought the best way to get my dad (who is always the toughest one to convince) easily involved was to do a Purdue picture.

This isn't the picture we used for our Christmas cards that year, but it's still my favorite from that day. The boys are doing as told and looking at the camera, smiling pretty. And all of us girls are, yes, looking at the camera, but instead of smiling pretty, we're cracking up hysterically. Why? All because my hat is on backwards. To get our family pictures we have to put my camera on a tripod, and my fancy camera doesn't have the capability to view what you're going to take a picture of on the display on the back of the camera. So in order to center everyone in the frame and get it all set up to take the picture, I have to look through the viewfinder, which I can't do properly with the bill of my hat in the way. So I had slipped my hat on backwards, set the picture up, hit the self-timer button, and ran back to the swing to get ready to smile for the camera. I usually have about a three second window to get back to everybody, look at the camera, and smile after I hit the shutter release. Well, this time as soon as my butt hit the seat, I realized I forgot to fix my hat on the way back from the camera. So as soon as I sat down, I started laughing and was like, "crap! my hat's still on backwards!" Which caused my mom and sister to start cracking up, my niece to look up at us like we're crazy, and the boys to continue to do as they're told. (they laughed later) It's one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it's one memory we'll have as a family for a lifetime.

Beginnings

If you had told me five years ago that I'd be sitting at my house*1, waiting on my girlfriend to get home from work, because I was bored out of my mind on sick leave from work after surgery for a herniated disc in my back*2, I would probably have told you that seemed an unlikely scenario. Ok. Maybe not exactly. Anybody that really knows me knows I most likely would have looked at you like you were an idiot and then proceeded to ignore you.

Hey I never claimed to be Ms Congeniality.

Yet, here I am, 27 years old*3 and I'm recovering from back surgery.*4 Back surgery! Isn't back surgery for old people, or in the very least people that were born with some sort of preexisting back condition? I would have never in a million years thought I'd have back surgery in my twenties. I guess it shouldn't come as any surprise though. I'm overweight and I make a living taking care of other people's toddlers. And I'm not exactly overly cautious about how I'm bending and twisting and moving my back. *5 So, okay, I guess I shouldn't have thought recouping from back surgery was that unlikely a scenario.

I'd be lying if I said I was sad about missing the next 4-6 weeks of work. Don't get me wrong. I kind of like my job on most days. But honestly, I stopped loving my job a couple years ago. Again, don't get me wrong. I love the kids. I just don't love the job much anymore. Most days I feel under appreciated and way under paid. Mostly under appreciated though, because we all know that people that go into the child care profession aren't doing it for the money.

My dream is to become a freelance photographer and have my photos published in newspapers or magazines or anywhere they could be enjoyed by other people. Don't worry, I'm not under any delusions that I would make any more money doing that, but at least I would be doing something I truly loved! And until I figure out how I can actually get my foot in that proverbial door, I'll have to stick with the kiddos while I enjoy photography as a hobby.

So, from here on out, this blog will be a virtual showcase for my pictures.... with a few stories along the way, I'm sure...

I'll leave you with a picture from my latest photo shoot:

How would you like to run into this sucker while walking out your back door?

You'd think as a wannabe photographer I would always carry my camera with me. I guess that's why I'm a wannabe and not an actual photographer. My wonderful girlfriend had to make a detour after work on her way to my parent's house to pick up my camera so I could take pictures of the cool web. My mom had picked me up on her way home from work last night (cause I still can't drive after my surgery) so that I could get out of the house and sit on someone else's couch for a few hours. When I got to her house, I saw that a spider had made this cool web right outside their sliding glass door to the backyard. To my utter delight while I was waiting for the sun to go down so that I could attempt to get a picture of just the web, the spider returned home! It made the picture of a pretty ornate web ten times better!

*1By "my" I mean a house I purchased, not my parent's house, and not an apartment.
*2 Let's see how many different prepositional phrases I can get into one fragment
*3 Which I'd like to think is the new 17 since 50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30, and so on. Right?
*4 Yes, in my own home. Though I had help from the love of my life, whom I met two years ago on an online dating site. That's a story for another day though.
*5 In other words, I'm fat and spend my days heaving around heavy kids that aren't even mine while I have no regard about the damage I'm doing to my back.